One of the most common questions engaged couples ask me is how to tackle the guest list. Should we make the list or choose the venue first? Who has the say on making cuts? How should we handle inviting guests of our guests? Children, no children?
And these what if questions could go on forever.
Many will tell you to consider budget or venue before making a guest list, but I disagree. I’ve seen many a couple through this most important occasion and one thing I can confidently say is that a large majority of the couples are making a grand investment to enjoy a moment with friends and family. And the place, however, beautiful is nothing more unless surrounded by those who love them and want to see them through the many years of happiness, staring with that day!
My point? Well, make the list FIRST! Here’s a method to the madness…
1) Make a Wish “LIST”, Separately.
This should be easy, add anyone and everyone you may want at your wedding! Enlist the help of your parents if they are paying. Even if they are not not, they can remind you to add Great Aunt Sallie, who incidentally may end up getting cut. Either way, enlisting parents will make everyone feel part of the joyous occasion.
2) Combine your Wishlists, eliminating the duplicates.
You will likely have far more than you expected on this wishlist. Now, carefully consider budget. Generally speaking, the reception venue and catering is about 50-60% and average per head cost is about $50 (space and catering included). So multiply your guest number by $50, then double that number. There’s a rough estimate of your average total with your “wishlist” guest list.
3) Set a Goal Number.
Now that you’ve seen that figure, you may be a little more inclined to cross off some of those long lost pals you haven’t spoken to in years and consider an ideal budget giving you a goal number of guests to invite!
4) Make Logical Cuts, Together.
There are logical cuts. Go through the list, and do a quick YES, NO and MAYBE. You’ll be surprised what the two of you give up in the first round but don’t sweat it if you don’t agree, just move fast through the list with the agreed cuts. Now, you have a little more palatable list to work with! How many more cuts do you need to make? Take that number, and equally divide it to come up with how many guests you EACH have to cut.
5) Make final cuts, INDIVIDUALLY!
Doing so will likely save you from conflict. He won’t be over your shoulder jesting that you cut Mary, your childhood friend that you played wedding day dress up with. Some past friends hold memories that your “other half” doesn’t quite understand. Hence, making cuts separately makes sense!
After RE-combining the edited lists, you should both feel happy with the outcome. If either of you have made a cut that you regret, go ahead and voice that now. Explain why that person is important to you, chances are you guys can endure one more guest. HOWEVER, I warn not to recap all the cuts, you’ll end up with a headache and likely with a little heartache from then bickering. Just go with the process and move on to bigger and better – LIKE CAKE TASTINGS!
Happy Planning,
Posts
